Matt. 27:3-5 – When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.” “What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.” So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.
Judas was torn up over his wrongdoing. He went to church leaders who he thought could lead him to God, but they didn’t do their job. Judas should’ve taken a second step, going to his brother (Jesus) to make amends. If he had, he would’ve realized that Jesus would forgive him for the betrayal:
Matt. 5:23-24 – if you… remember that your brother has something against you… go and be reconciled to your brother
Instead Judas believed what the wicked church leaders had said. He accepted the lie that it was solely his responsibility, and right there he judged himself. We are not responsible for the final evaluation of anyone’s character, including our own. ‘He who judges me is the Lord. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes (1Cor.4:4-5)’. When it comes to judging a person’s inner personality, the only One who knows all the truth is God. And without knowing all the truth, we are not able to judge accurately or fairly–not others or ourselves. Only the Lord knows our motives. ‘He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives (counsels) of the heart (1Cor.4:5).’
Judas clearly stated that his motive wasn’t to see Jesus condemned, because he called that ‘innocent blood.’ The counsels of his heart were from church leaders, Judas perhaps thought he could trust, who deceived him with lies, and trapped him into their wicked ploys. Judas could not see clearly, making it the worse time to make a life altering decision. Sometimes we just need some time to sort things out and get a fresh perspective.
The whole point of Jesus is that we can now go directly to Him instead of to church leaders, who may have become corrupt, but in every case are sin prone humanbeings. We now have the Holy Spirit who comforts and counsels us. A leader who is close to God will be a great help however.
If you feel suicidal tonight, or are burdened by the weight of your own wrongdoings, have been deceived, have perhaps hurt or betrayed a loved one, or are suffering from a broken relationship–choose not to judge yourself. Accept what is wrong as wrong, and leave the judgement to God. Embrace God and He will forgive all your sin; ‘None of the sins that you have committed will be remembered against you (Eze. 33:16).’ With this clean slate, follow God’s lead in choosing not to remember your sins anymore. When we embrace God, accepting His son Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins, we stand before Him on the day of judgement and the Bible says, ‘The Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight (Ps.18:24).’ In HIS sight we are pure and His judgement is not to condemn, but to reward. Stop condemning your sins, and start asking Jesus to wipe them away, so you can focus on rewarding your righteousness.
Eze. 36:31 – You will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good; and you will loathe yourselves in your own sight, for your iniquities and your abominations
Step 1 to being free from self hatred is: choosing not to remember what God chooses not to remember–your sins.
Eze. 36:33-36 – On the day I cleanse you from all your sins… the ruins will be rebuilt. The desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass through it. They will say, “This land that was laid waste has become like the garden of Eden; the cities that were lying in ruins… are now fortified… those around you that remain will know that I the Lord have rebuilt what was destroyed
Give Jesus a chance before you give up. And if you’ve already accepted Jesus, keep trusting Him to bring you through by restoring and rebuilding you.
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