Domestic Abuse

I’ve watched several friends stay in abusive marriages, and several divorce because of abuse. There are many reasons why people choose to stay in these relationships, though it’s hard to image why. I’ve listed some reasons at the bottom of this post, but lets attack the topic of boundaries for a moment:

We need boundaries. Without boundaries we will become victims of abuse and adopt a powerless mindset. We should have a standard set for ourselves of how we will allow others to treat us. If people do not treat us as we have designated, then we should not listen or continue in relationship. Here are some things that we should require, and reject, in relationships and conversations. These actions will encourage hope and self-control (empowerment), and help us escape abusive relationships. Boundaries cause the abuser to face the consequences of their own decisions while empowering us with the choice to leave if they don’t treat us with respect.

– 2 Chron. 7:14 – IF my people, my God-defined people, respond by (1)humbling themselves, (2)praying, (3)seeking my presence, and (4)turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health.

What we should require & reject:

  1. Humility instead of pride & arrogance 
    Verbal abuse, or other means of belittling you, should not be tolerated.

  2. Requests (prayer) instead of demands
    Use of fear tactics, physical abuse, or other means of control, should not be tolerated.

    God gave us dominion over everything but people. We need to respect others and protect their ability to make their own choices. If their choice is to abuse you, then you need to make the choice to leave.
  3. Seeking presence instead of things
    If someone wants something from you, without wanting a relationship with you, then its un unhealthy relationship. This should not be tolerated.

    If you are married and your spouse habitually has sex with you without trying to connect on an emotional level, it’s abuse.

  4. Turn away from wrongdoing instead of continuing to wrong you
    Refusing to change, though you respectfully ask and show them how they are hurting you, should not be tolerated.

Notice also that God waited for these 4 things from His safe place, Heaven.

– Heb. 10:26 – For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins


If you are in an abusive marriage, you need boundaries. Consider a temporary separation if you do not want a divorce. Once faced with the consequences of their choices, if they repent then go back to them:

– 1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins

If they do not repent then divorce them:

– Rom. 6:23 – For the wages of sin is death


There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. Here are a few:

– My partner will kidnap the children and disappear.
– My partner will spread horrible rumors about me.
– I’m nothing. I don’t deserve better.
– I was brainwashed to believe that I couldn’t cope without my partner.
– I’m more comfortable with what I know, than the unknown out in the world.
– My children will blame me and resent me.
– My partner will turn the children against me.
– My partner doesn’t let me out of the house.
– I have no friends or family to call for help anymore.
– I believe my partner when he or she says that it will never happen again.
– My marriage vows.
– My religion.
– I love her or him.
– My partner has all the money.
– My partner charges up all my credit cards.
– My partner will lose her or his job if I report this.

Other reasons why women stay in abusive relationships


Make a list of your reasons and confront them. Get out of the situation. There are churches, programs, and safe houses designed specifically to help you. It’s scary facing these reasons, but its wisdom to escape the cause of these abuses. Say no to the abuser and leave them today.

– Prov. 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight

– Ps. 18:6-19 – In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry. Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet. He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind. He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him— the dark rain clouds of the sky. Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them. The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

– Ps. 28:7 – The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

– Jer. 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

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Testimonies of LGBT’s

Danny Silk

Danny Silk

1. A boyfriend of mine had a mother who was openly sexual with many men. On top of that his brother found porn of her laying around. The brother raped my friend at a pretty young age. Though the experience was traumatic for him, and took him nearly 20 years to tell anyone, later in life he was gay for several years. As a child confusion sets in and we feel like we have to live that lifestyle to gain understanding. That was the case of the brother in finding the porn and for my friend in trying to understand why his brother would rape him. Traumas also become a cycle that repeats itself if we don’t deal with the initial hurt. Seeds are planted, and going unchecked, they will grow. He is no longer gay. He realized he never was, but that a painful experience stole his identity. He is now living as his true self.

2. A girlfriend of mine had a bad family situation. Her father was openly addicted to porn and her parents marriage failed. She felt unloved and unprotected. She thought that if she wanted to have a man that she had to act like the women in the pornos. Traumatic experiences can warp your views, especially when you are young and unaware. She vowed to become a pole dancer. She didn’t do so, but she became sexual active with the same type of men her father was. She ended up getting rejected by a few men; she felt worthless and not beautiful. She then turned around and decided to tape down her breasts, and wanted to cut them off. She wanted to be transgender, and was a lesbian for a while. She was trying to escape the abuse that sinful men had wronged her with. She eventually forgave the wrongs and looked for men that lived up to God’s standard. She no longer struggles, and is no longer allowing pain to alter her identity. She is not sexually active and is waiting for God to send her a godly man to marry.

3. A 2nd girlfriend of mine was lesbian for many, many years, because she was sexually abused when she was younger. She has now chosen a life of celibacy and is about the Lords work. She is happy and healed from the pain of the trauma.

4. A 3rd girlfriend of mine was in full throttle lesbian relationships for 6 years. Playing softball in high school and at the college level, she was surrounded by people who were LGBT’s, and straights who approved of LGBT relationships. She grew up in the church and desperately wished she had one person in her life willing the tell her that what she was doing was against God’s will for her life, so that she could find the strength to change. That person never showed up, but at her lowest moment she sought God out and a Pastor told her that LGBT was wrong. She dropped every relationship that day and began surrounding herself with Christians who were practicing and pursuing God’s ways. Years later, she is still going strong, and hasn’t relapsed. She carries a pure and gentle spirit, is dressing like a lady, and beginning to she her beauty for the first time through God’s eyes.

‪#‎gay‬ ‪#‎lesbian‬ ‪#‎transgender‬ ‪#‎testimony‬ ‪#‎KeepYourLoveOn‬


Medicine may cause

I posted these testimonies as a response to someone on Facebook today. They had never heard of people being gay or lesbian due to traumatic experiences. The media likes to push that people are gay from birth, and while I agree that we are all born in sin and have predispositions to certain sin, being predisposed is not the only way to become homosexual. These 3 friends turned gay from traumatic experiences and have since allow God to heal the wounds of the traumas. After God healed them, they no longer had a longing to be LGBT. 

God is the healer, not the medicine. Medicine helps ease a pain, but then causes a bunch of other ailments and potential death. Healing deals and gets rid of the pain entirely. We can focus on a wound, but unless we go to God we can only find medicines that mask the pain by causing other ailments.

Take every traumatic experience to God for healing. It’ll get rid of a lot of other symptoms in your life.