Domestic Abuse

I’ve watched several friends stay in abusive marriages, and several divorce because of abuse. There are many reasons why people choose to stay in these relationships, though it’s hard to image why. I’ve listed some reasons at the bottom of this post, but lets attack the topic of boundaries for a moment:

We need boundaries. Without boundaries we will become victims of abuse and adopt a powerless mindset. We should have a standard set for ourselves of how we will allow others to treat us. If people do not treat us as we have designated, then we should not listen or continue in relationship. Here are some things that we should require, and reject, in relationships and conversations. These actions will encourage hope and self-control (empowerment), and help us escape abusive relationships. Boundaries cause the abuser to face the consequences of their own decisions while empowering us with the choice to leave if they don’t treat us with respect.

– 2 Chron. 7:14 – IF my people, my God-defined people, respond by (1)humbling themselves, (2)praying, (3)seeking my presence, and (4)turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health.

What we should require & reject:

  1. Humility instead of pride & arrogance 
    Verbal abuse, or other means of belittling you, should not be tolerated.

  2. Requests (prayer) instead of demands
    Use of fear tactics, physical abuse, or other means of control, should not be tolerated.

    God gave us dominion over everything but people. We need to respect others and protect their ability to make their own choices. If their choice is to abuse you, then you need to make the choice to leave.
  3. Seeking presence instead of things
    If someone wants something from you, without wanting a relationship with you, then its un unhealthy relationship. This should not be tolerated.

    If you are married and your spouse habitually has sex with you without trying to connect on an emotional level, it’s abuse.

  4. Turn away from wrongdoing instead of continuing to wrong you
    Refusing to change, though you respectfully ask and show them how they are hurting you, should not be tolerated.

Notice also that God waited for these 4 things from His safe place, Heaven.

– Heb. 10:26 – For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins


If you are in an abusive marriage, you need boundaries. Consider a temporary separation if you do not want a divorce. Once faced with the consequences of their choices, if they repent then go back to them:

– 1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins

If they do not repent then divorce them:

– Rom. 6:23 – For the wages of sin is death


There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. Here are a few:

– My partner will kidnap the children and disappear.
– My partner will spread horrible rumors about me.
– I’m nothing. I don’t deserve better.
– I was brainwashed to believe that I couldn’t cope without my partner.
– I’m more comfortable with what I know, than the unknown out in the world.
– My children will blame me and resent me.
– My partner will turn the children against me.
– My partner doesn’t let me out of the house.
– I have no friends or family to call for help anymore.
– I believe my partner when he or she says that it will never happen again.
– My marriage vows.
– My religion.
– I love her or him.
– My partner has all the money.
– My partner charges up all my credit cards.
– My partner will lose her or his job if I report this.

Other reasons why women stay in abusive relationships


Make a list of your reasons and confront them. Get out of the situation. There are churches, programs, and safe houses designed specifically to help you. It’s scary facing these reasons, but its wisdom to escape the cause of these abuses. Say no to the abuser and leave them today.

– Prov. 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight

– Ps. 18:6-19 – In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry. Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet. He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind. He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him— the dark rain clouds of the sky. Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them. The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

– Ps. 28:7 – The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

– Jer. 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

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ACTS Prayer Model

ACTS is a popular prayer model. It’s an easy way to remember the various parts of prayer. ACTS stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication.

I personally would add in Listening.. LACTS… err, maybe CLAST would be the better acronym. Clast means a fragment of rock. God is called our Rock, so this makes us ‘a chip off the old block’. 


Adoration means worship. Praise Him for who He is. God delights in your praises! Our God always hears us, but consider an earthly parent. If their child enters the room talking about how awesome their dad is, isn’t the dad going to feel honored and be moved to do anything for his child? Love on Him today.

Confession means agreeing with God about the things that you have done wrong. In this stage we take the time to quiet ourselves to reflect on the day, and express sorrow about whatever we said, thought, or acted on that was not pleasing to Him. As we recall instances, we ask God to forgive us and bless those we harmed. Likewise, we choose to forgive those who hurt us and release them to God’s judgement.

– 1 John 1:9-10 – If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

Thanksgiving means thanking God. Thank Him for His love, protection, and provision just to name a few things. Realize that others may be in worse situations, and thank Him for all the things He has done for you.

– 1 Thes. 5:17-18 – Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you

Supplication means asking Him to meet your needs, and the needs of others. We ask Him to help situations, friends, family, leaders, nations, etc. God hears our heart’s requests, but say your prayers out loud anyway. Sometimes we are the ones that need to hear them. Prayer helps us notice when the hand of God is moving in our lives. We more easily recognize when He comes through for us, when we are focused on what we have asked Him for. Also, God gives us 7,000+ promises in the Bible. When you remind God of His promises, it causes things to happen. Pray God’s Words back to Him.

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Listening means being quiet and giving God a chance to speak and respond. God can respond in many ways if we believe God is real, then we should expect prayer to be a two-way conversation. Read the Word, search out His wisdom, listen for an unction, close your eyes and look for a vision, see if your emotions are reflecting His own. I promise to do a blog on how to hear His voice soon.

– Ps. 85:5 (ESV) – Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people


God’s promises are prophecies for your life:

Promise defined means: a declaration or ASSURANCE that one will do a particular thing or THAT A PARTICULAR THING WILL HAPPEN.

Prophecy defined means: the FORETELLING or prediction OF WHAT IS TO COME

Faith activates the Promise. Stand on His promises/prophecies for your life.

–  2 Cor.1:20 – For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

Amen defined means: it is so; so be it

If you need something today, stand in faith on the promises of God, and Jesus will agree with you. The Spirit, the Amen, the breathe of God, will blow life into the situation.


Worship: We Speak to Nations, Judy Jacobs

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